I'm like a swing.

I've been very emotional of late. everytime 'someone' says something nice, i pretty much cry. and i have the sudden urge to tell my mother exactly how she's fucking up my mental stability.
this is turning into a list of things that's going wrong with my brain at the moment.
so we have:
- compliments for a certain person make me cry. uncontrollably.
- i feel like talking to my mother. and about things she's doing wrong, which is even more weird.
and i'll add:
- i wake up at six everyday and fall asleep again at 8:30 only to wake up again at 1.
- love story by taylor swift makes me bawl, LOL that's not so abnormal.
- one moment im happy, next moment i'm throwing kinves into the floor.

okay i'm done.
i'm actually just having kick-ass mood swings, half that stuff is normal LOL

Grrrrface. >:|

So yeah. There's these two people, let's call them Robert and Lillian. Lillian is a lovely girl who i think is marvelous. And Robert is a twat when it comes to girls, but he can be an interesting person to talk to. Anywho, Lillian likes Robert. And a lot of people are warning her against it, but she just won't listen. It's frustrating. She thinks she can make all her own mistakes, which is fine. But why oh why does she have to make THIS mistake. It's costing a friendship from me. She's stupid if she wants to go there, knowing everything she knows. Bye bye, Lillian. Was nice knowing you.

Family Feud.

I have this ongoing problem you see, it involves my family. Well family is too broad, it involves my parents, or parent. To be slightly clearer, my mother and my mother's manthing. You see, no matter what i do, it's never good enough for them. I don't talk to my mom and she gets all "why don't you talk to me?" i talk to her and she tells me to shut up. When we don't spend time together she complains, and when i want to she's "too busy". I can't even be arsed explaining anymore.
so yeah, lol, bye.

I'm liking the blogs of late.

So i'm recently vegetarian (as in, i've been vege for a month).

And i'm pleased to announce, i no longer crave the murderous mass that is meat.

i'm super happy about this. like, you have no idea.

this is a lovely, happy rainbow blog, just to celebrate this wonderous achievement

vegetarianism is actually really uplifting.

seriously, give it a go. i mean, it's not for everyone, but if you're considering it, go for it.

it's easy if you set your mind to it, and your body will thank you. and you skin looks all nice and stuff. -sigh- it's magical.

end blog.

I changed myself, only to find i'd lost myself.

Someone said to me recently "..you seem like you have to impress someone all the time and like you do all this stuff to be cool. Sometimes i feel like shouting at you and telling you to just be yourself cos you don't have to impress anyone." and it really hit home. You see, i'm not this person's biggest fan, but i certainly respect their thoughts and feelings. Especially towards me, cos we have history. As bad as it is. So when he said this to me i had to dwell on it, and i realised he's right, gosh darn it he's bloody right. So i thought, i wonder where i went wrong with this. When did i make the decision that i had to impress people with some fake persona i made because my real self wasn't good enough? I mean this fake persona has strong notes of what i percieve is the real me, but it's not all there. Then my next question struck me, what is the real me even like anymore? i haven't been paying attention to the changes, so i've lost myself in a bid to become someone, and something, i'm not. it's tearing me up knowing that if i find myself one day, say whilst strolling in the sunlight, will that real me be enough to keep my home fires burning, so to speak. Will i lose some of the best friends i've ever had? am i even fake around them?
all these questions and no foreseeable answers. i thank this person so much for making me see, but i condemn their actions for making me so utterly confused and completely lost in life now.

in saying all this, if they of all people think the real me is awesome, when they spend most of the time ruining my life, my friends' lives and their own(although he may not see it or be bothered by it) then the real me must be good enough for mass consumption. and i might as well try it.

Dogs, Boys and other things that bite.

Well of late my life is dominated by three things. One: The hunt for a nice boy who doesn't cheat, lie or demand sex every two seconds. Two: The stupid mutt i live with (no, neither of my parents, i'm talking about my dog.) He eats everything that might possibly mean something to someone, including me. Three: Vampires. Yes, i'm throwing a touch of Twilight fangirl talk in here. So that's my life for over a few months, well the first two anyways. The boy search is failing, my dog continues to annoy the flaming hell out of me and twilight continues to be the best book i've read all year. But seriously, all the twilight hype is for a reason, i'm not saying it hasn't been blown out of proportion, because it has. But it's actually a good book. And an average movie. It goes against all vampire myths, which is a bit annoying. Though all in all, it was promise. And love, everyone's a succker for a good love story. Even me. It kinda makes me wish Edward was real, cos he's so charming and protective and what girl doesn't want a bit of that. Though the whole "hey i just happened to have been stalking you making sure you didn't get raped by these guys you met in a dark street, wanna hope in my car?" "oh, yes Edward, i'd love to" -Bella swoons-. wait. when did this blog become entirely about Twilight. well, call me Rachii Cullen and make me sparkle in the sunlight, i'm turning into one of them. =/

I feel inspired.

Another blog tonight, man i'm on a roll. This one is kinda a follow-on to the last, but not really. The general theme came from feeling thrown out, which i can't even explain cos i really haven't been... kinda. Oh well, this is not what the blog is about. It's actually about Alex Pardee, painting, Mitchell Davis and being strangely content in the colourful macabre of life. You see a friend of mine introduced me to livelavalive, youtube it it's amazing, anywho... and that led me to remember that Alex Pardee existed, not like he's hard to forget he's just slipped my mind for a while. He's this really amazing artist who just makes the gore pleasing to the eye, well in my opinion. And he's inspired me to paint things i would never let anyone see cos they're terrible. But my point is, painting is inspiring, it puts me in a mood which makes me look at life differently. Which is magical. I love it, i live for it. it's pretty much the reason i get up in the morn- well late afternoon. The other thing that makes my life seem get-out-of-bed-able, livelavalive's main star, Mitchell Davis. He also inspires me a heap. His random antics are making my life so much longer. Laughter is the best medicine for a poor social life.
Hermit Rachii, out!

Outcast.

I recently went to Australia. And it was lovely. But i came back to my friends all giggling at the inside jokes which came about whilst i was away, i'm not complaining that they shouldn't have had fun without me, but they've been treating me differently since. They keep forgetting i was with them for things and forgetting i wasn't with them for others. Which isn't all that bad, but i try having a conversation with, hmmm let's call her Emily and all i get it "uh-huh" or some other weird-toned monosyllabic response. it kinda hurts. a tad. I guess that's all the complaing i have. I think i'll become a hermit now and leave you to have your fun, Emily. Call me when you feel im not in need of replacing.